did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
