sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
