That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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