You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
