I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
