just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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