i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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