I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
