I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
