Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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