It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He shit in the fireplace
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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