im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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