I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
