everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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