i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
