my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
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