Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
