Porn is love you can see.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
