Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Be still, my beating vagina.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
