What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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