last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
