I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
