So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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