i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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