Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize