I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
