Screwed.edu
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
