Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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