maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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