piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize