watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
