So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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