scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
