dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
