what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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