I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
