stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drinking out of a sandbucket again
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
