went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
