i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
