if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
