when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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