Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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