Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
