Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
