it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
