I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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