Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
they need to just BURY HIM!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize