So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
