btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
