I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
