I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im six kinds of drunk right now
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
