That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
