I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
