is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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