well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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