thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
