I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
it's like iHOP with fire
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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