I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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