I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
