at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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