Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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