between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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