Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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